Even wife doesn't read blog

The blogging habits of Tunbridge Wells resident Paul Milner were at the centre of a family argument last weekend. It transpired that not even his wife was familiar with Mr. Milner's recent blog posts.
"I was gobsmacked" said Mr Milner. "You might have thought that a blog would at least be read by the writer's spouse. But no."
The revelation came about due to a chance discussion on Sunday. An opinion held by Mr Milner and discussed on his blog was met with some surprise by his spouse. Amongst protestations of ignorance, the unsettling facts came to light: despite over 15 years of marriage, Mr Milner's blog had never actually been perused by his wife.
"Isn't it part of the sacred vows of marriage to read your partner's weblog?" commented Mr Milner. "Well if not it should be. How else am I supposed to drop subtle hints about my birthday?" he added.
Mr Milner plans to make a five foot high enlarged and laminated copy of future blog posts and affix them in front of his wife's mirror, where she is sure to see them almost immediately.

Probably Poppy...

by Judy

Poppies

That's our cat Poppy (whose birthday is November 11th), with a poppy.
One of my great-grandfathers was killed in World War One, so, Private Ernest Hellewell, 335445, of the Royal Scots, this is for you.

Kids, eh?

Well here we are back at home for a few days with the girls still down in Dorset visiting their Nana and Poppa. And what a change it makes to our relaxation levels! Observe the difference. The first picture (click here for the full size image) is a recent one of our life with the children around: the background soundtrack that you can't hear consists of the frenzied clanging of crockery and the bustle of neverending chores, overlaid with "More pizza!!!" "Have you ironed my skirt yet??" "I want a fiver to go to Costcutters with!!" etc.


The second picture (full size image here) is one taken today, as we sip a cocktail whilst nestled on soft cushions, reading books and pondering which 5-star restaurant to go to for lunch.... Aaaah!!

Sophie has gone to the dark side

Weirdos!
Originally uploaded by Paul Milner.

Judging by her latest drawings....

Just as well I'm lazy

I'd had a few DVDs from Amazon lying around at home for most of December, not having got round to watching them. We got round to watching Sideways on Christmas Day - which is a nice film - but I had two other DVDs sitting there waiting: both of which are Chinese director Zhang Yimou films. I wasn't sure I was in the mood for more martial arts adventures, so I was getting to the point of just sending them back unviewed. However I never got round to taking them to the postbox: just as well I'm lazy. At a loose end yesterday evening, I bunged on The Road Home - and me, Helen and Sophie (Judy was otherwise engaged looking for a tooth which had fallen out earlier that evening) were transfixed for 86 minutes, slack-jawed with admiration at this beautiful and touching film. Usually Helen is critical of my DVD choices, but on this occasion she has vouchsafed a modicum of appreciation.

Bleak House

Am very sad. It's the last episode of Bleak House on BBC1 this evening. Fourteen episodes down - all of which were totally brilliant - and one to go. I wonder What will the final dénouement contain? I can't wait. The whole series has been a gripping rollercoaster of emotion, packed with fascinating characters. It's been done like a soap, in 30 minute episodes with cliffhangers at the end of each bit, and it really works. I'd tried to read the book on a number of occasions, but hadn't got very far: the dense Dickensian prose always defeated me after a few pages. I almost never pick up a book that's that thick. I gave up on Harry Potter when the Order of the Phoenix came out: it looked far too enormous and made me wonder if they could do with a more ruthless editor. I did recently hear, however, that the Order of the Phoenix is packed with important twists and developments which are worthwhile getting into, so maybe I'll give it another go. Same with Bleak House: on the basis of this brilliant TV adaptation, maybe I'll give the book another go.

Diet

And so the pattern cycles round again: I really should have it all figured out by now, but I don't. I get my diet sorted out for a while: I cut out wheat, sweets, biscuits, all that bad stuff, and my whole system feels the benefit. But then something slips. Doughnuts appear at work. I eat one. Doesn't seem to be a problem. A colleague passes by: would I like a biscuit? Ooh, perhaps just the one. I get home. Helen's baked some new bread. I feel like I should sample a slice. And before I know it I am ravenously scoffing bread, cakes, sweets, chocolates, whatever presents itself, all over again. And then the inevitable physical symptoms settle back in: I don't feel properly awake, my face starts to feel dry and sore, I start to get the allergic reactions and sneezing fits again, the compulsion to snack takes over. I head for the snack machine at work and buy a shedload of choccie bars: Aeros, Marathons, whatever. That wraith-like being inside me demands to be fed!

Like I say: I should know better by now. I can see the signs. I know what happens. And I know I can quit the foods that seem to bring on these compulsions, I've done it before. So I finally take my diet in hand and kill the wheat and sugar intake. After a few days, things are better: I don't feel so fat, I feel a bit more energy, the compulsions recede. I start to think "Yes, I've finally cracked it! I don't need the junk food anymore!" And so it proves for a few more days. But then I'm back to where I began this entry: a solitary doughnut and I'm back on the roundabout again!

Compulsive eating seems to be a real problem for me, especially when I remind myself that it's nothing I can't (in theory) control. It's like a heroin addict saying that s/he is just a passive agent, powerless to countermand the diktats of the drug. It's not my fault, guv, it's the drugs, they're doing it to me. It's just a way of avoiding personal responsibility. Likewise - for me - the compulsive eating. I am effectively choosing to allow my diet to get out of hand and into an unhealthy state.

So that's where I am right now. I have spotted the cycle repeating, as I enter the phase of increasing junk-consumption. I want to nip it in the bud, but the naughty inner voice which is saying "OK, kick the habit, but just have one last bar of chocolate first...".

I guess this is how addicted smokers reason. I used to smoke a bit, just as a social prop, but I never felt addicted to nicotine. However with wheaty/sugary foods, I am an ADDICT. I need some Twelve-Step-Programme or something: there is an organization called Overeaters Anonymous, I even went to one of their meetings. It's a full-on quasi-religious support network: talk of relying on your "Higher Power" (God, whatever your concept of that is) to help you with your powerlessness in the face of the compulsions, a ritualistic meeting framework (each contribution is preceded by the intro "My name is Billy Bunter (or whoever), and I am a compulsive overeater." And the response "Hi, Billy". Not sure I could get on with that. That approach has clearly worked for a lot of people, alcoholics, drug addicts, but I'm not sure I can take the cultish organization and the need to accept the evangelical assertion that the Twelve-Step programme is The Only Way to cure you. Maybe it is, and I am doomed forever to repeat my eating patterns until I recognize that, but I'm not there yet.

So there we are. Those are the thoughts at the moment. Time to end the cycle! (It sounds SO easy when I just say it like that!)